My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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