in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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