Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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