My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There r osticjed everywhere
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
