I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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