Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
