WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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