Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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