Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
