You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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