I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
