After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
