dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
