he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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