Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize