Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
