Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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