please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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