Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
