I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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