plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
