Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
