it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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