Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I smell like Dick and happiness
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize