did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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