I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
