Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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