woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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