now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
