nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
