I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
