The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just invented taco cereal.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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