i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
