Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
