i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
