So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
