There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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