a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
