every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
