I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
