Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hate all girls vehemently.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
pray to the hookup gods
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
