That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
