so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
