when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
