dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
