who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
