Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My balls are so social today.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
