she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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