so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
