My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
