Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
