I want to have your abortion
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he thought i was a dude.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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