Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize