You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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