look no pants
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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