have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
