So many bounce houses so little time
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
