Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
