Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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