I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
