So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
