If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize