I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
