I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
