no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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