i just made my gag reflex go away.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
