Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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