she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
