I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
