Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
