Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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