Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
