you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Text me some of your sweat
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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