when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
