Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
