When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How does one acquire holy water?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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