u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize