everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
