they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize