Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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