My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize