We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
