Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I love having hate sex.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
