i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She told me I should be a condom model.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
