A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Ladies don't puke and tell
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
