The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
