I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
