I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
