I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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