if only i could text you this smell
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
