dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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