I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
