Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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