you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
