Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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