You can't motorboat a personality
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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