friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
