apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
