I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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