ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize