Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
