Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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