dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
