a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize