Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
