that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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