No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
