so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You are a genius and a whore.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize