They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
